Michelle Candland

What brings you joy? Not necessarily the “I hear symphonies” kind of joy; the kind that puts a smile on your face when you weren’t trying – the kind that brings a tear to your eye as the instant comes and goes – the kind that surrounds you like a bubble of happiness. Joy isn’t something you go searching for like an Easter egg – it’s something that finds you when you put yourself in a receptive frame of mind, a feeling that pours over you when you put yourself in an environment conducive to positive energy. Joy is a gift some are given often and a treasure that eludes so many more on a daily basis. I choose to find joy (or joy finds me) in places and things that some people might consider trivial – orioles visiting the garden in the morning, a grand child’s hug, or simply sitting next to my best friend and husband at the end of the day holding hands. I spent a fair amount of time in my past in physical and emotional places surrounded by negativity or fear, places joy avoided like a fever. Once I made some conscious decisions to change my focus, change my environment, upgrade my self worth and celebrate my existence, joy became a frequent visitor, and for that, I remain grateful. Find your place where joy feels welcome!

Have you ever taken the time to actually read the wrappers of the food you eat? A number of products are more than just nutrition or sheer satisfaction; they’re also little snippets of wisdom wrapped around organic something or others – take for example the message on a Clif Energy Bar penned by Gary, the founder and Owner of the company. He talks about trekking in Nepal and associating the climb to business and life – “each campsite is a beautiful destination in itself – not simply a means to an end” … and how about some of my favorites that appear on the inside of the Dove chocolate wrappers , which by the way I have taped to the bottom of my computer screen – “Find your passion” and “Be fearless.” They call the messages Promises Messages – like promises you make to yourself. It doesn’t matter where you find your inspiration – just get inspired! About life, about people, about giving back, about making a difference, doing your part, being present. I believe we’re all on this earth for a reason – we all have a gift and we all have something to contribute. We may not know exactly what our purpose is but we should all embrace the concept that our gift matters. Whatever your gift may be, don’t waste it!

Good Enough Accumulates!
My husband and I recently built a garden – that’s the precursor to actually planting a garden. The ground around our home is filled with rocks and it made more sense to build something above ground than to punish ourselves by trying to dig out all the rocks; we began with purchasing all the lumber – redwood of course, because we wanted it to last as long as possible, then we ordered a load of amended soil so the plants would have a fighting chance of surviving and then began the construction. My husband had the plans all arranged in his mind and began measuring and cutting and I became the carpenter’s helper. We started at one end and occasionally a joint wasn’t quite tight, a length of lumber was just a smidgen short, the ground was a little uneven but the thought was, what the heck, it’s just a garden. As we continued to assemble the pieces it became more apparent that those little “oh wells” at the front of the project were quickly becoming “what the heck happened here’s?” and by the time we got to the gate, we were a good three inches off! It confirmed one of life’s lessons we have all experienced at one time or another – good enough accumulates – it reminded me that no matter what we do, we should be striving for the best we can muster from the very beginning. Settling, in any situation will always produce a less than desired result whether it’s building a garden, starting a career, finding a partner, being a parent or whatever you’re working on at the time. Good better best, never let it rest until the good is better and the better best!

Last weekend culminated a year of planning, working, organizing and sacrificing by many people in order to make a 2-½ day event come to life. Rotary Club 33 has been hosting 80-90 high school juniors for the past 35 years for lunch, then busing them to the mountains for two days of speakers, presentations, breakout sessions, entertainment, a talent show, outdoor recreation, all topped off with a competition between teams of nine students each – it’s called Camp Enterprise. They not only came up with their own unique business but they learned how to develop a business plan, create a financial projection, select a management team and dream up a marketing strategy. I have been fortunate enough to be a part of this effort for many years and as difficult as it may seem, it just keeps getting better. The students are smart, creative, motivated and quickly acclimate to their task at hand. The goal is to help students understand the positive side of business, help them to appreciate the work that is required to start and operate a business and build the confidence they will need to be the entrepreneurs of tomorrow. Those of us who have had the privilege of working on this committee over the years have truly been the winners; we have all learned something new, been encouraged by the potential of those who hold our future in their hands, enjoyed the fellowship of our Rotarian friends and know in our hearts that we’ve made a difference in the lives of the students who came to camp. Some of the students have never been away from home, some are from exclusive private schools, some are from low income urban schools and some are nervous or apprehensive. All are strangers when they arrive yet when they board the buses to head home, there is seldom a dry eye to be found. Hugs are exchanged along with email addresses, telephone numbers and promises to stay in touch. I’ll take a breather for a week or two and then it’s time to get back to the drawing board and begin planning for next year’s camp – I can’t wait!

I recently attended the 12^th annual “In The Company of Women” luncheon, proceeds from which go to benefit Becky’s House, Passages and the Cortez Hill Family Center, all programs of the YWCA of San Diego County.  It brings together a melting pot of about 800-900 women (and a scattering of brave men) to celebrate an individual’s journey from victim to survivor and educate the audience on how they can help.  This year’s keynote speaker was Leslie Morgan Steiner , author of “Crazy Love”, a powerful memoir chronicling her story of a highly educated woman, her whirlwind fantasy courtship, and her years as a severely abused spouse.  Her message included a strong plea to everyone – don’t keep secrets – if you’re threatened, leave!  And be a friend and confident to others to help keep them safe.  The theme of this year’s luncheon was “Supporting Hands” – reach out for them or be one of them.

Although my physical wounds didn’t compare to Leslie’s, my emotional health was on life support more than once.  If only I had felt comfortable enough with those around me, if only I could have reached out for help without fear of embarrassment or shame, my path could very well have been different.  My message echoes Leslie’s – be an unconditional friend, be in tune with yourself and others, be there to listen (not judge) or  help if called upon; avoid the safe excuse of “I don’t want to get involved” – it could save someone’s life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about doors lately.  Big doors, small doors, creaky doors, silent doors, heavy doors, revolving doors, doors in our mind – they all have some characteristics in common.  Doors keep people in, let people out, open to hope, close to despair, provide motivation, peak curiosity and can cause unexpected pain if you’re not paying attention.

The doors around me have been opening and closing so rapidly it’s difficult to keep up, but it’s certainly keeping me on my toes!

Sometimes it’s as if the door of opportunity opens ever so slightly when we’re not looking for it and we can miss something very special just because we were preoccupied.  I would suggest that it behooves us all to become more vigilant, more aware of our surroundings, more prepared to act; but without a plan we won’t know what we’re prepared to act on.  Spend some time noodling on your life plan, thinking about what you want your future to look like. If you can clearly see your plan you will more readily recognize the doors that could open to opportunity or sense the doors that might begin to close behind you before you’re ready.

And there’s nothing wrong with a healthy sense of self motivation or at least curiosity – open some doors on your own and see what’s on the other side

Wow – where did the time go?  There’s a little less than a week left in February and it’s proven to be an eventful month thus far.  “Common Threads” made its much-anticipated debut as evidenced by the stack of boxes in my garage and in the warehouse of my distributor, New Century Press.  My husband finally had the opportunity to read it for the first time, as did our children and the reviews were glowing!   Unconditional love is a wonderful thing …  as therapeutic as it was to finally share the stories that have been the fodder for my principles as an adult, I was still a little nervous about how the truth would resonate with the people in my life who never knew about the big bumps in my path as a child and poor decisions I made as a young adult.   I crossed my subconscious fingers in hopes that they would judge me by who I am today rather than what occurred during my life in the past and I have not been disappointed.

This month marks my 60^th Birthday – who knew that sweet little kindergartener (how could you not love a face like that?) would get so old so fast!  Certainly not me – today’s 60 is the new 40!  I don’t feel much older inside – it’s just that pesky mirror and all that bright light that puts a damper on things.  I’ll just do the best I can with what I have and try to remember what Gretchen, an awesome aesthetician told me once during one of her amazing facials, “I have one word for you – slather!”  She was referring to how I should be applying lotion.  Good tip …

March is the “ramping up” month in preparation for the official announcement for “Common Threads” in April so you’ll be hearing and seeing much more of me going forward.  The book is available on Amazon right now and will be available in Barnes & Noble and Borders in March.  If they don’t have it on the shelf, ask them to order it!  My messages are loud and clear and the inspiring stories of the nine other women profiled are nothing less than amazing.   I’ll update as the future unfolds.

One of the many joys of living in southern California is our weather.  It allows roses  to bloom in January and ample opportunities to take a walk in the sun and contemplate what lies ahead.  We can’t change what occurred in 2009 but we can certainly learn from those experiences and make every effort to weave our life tapestry with clear intention as we move into 2010.

Take the time to set your short and long term goals, write them down, and chart your course with confidence.  Surround yourself with people who will encourage you with unconditional love and give yourself permission to succeed, because you’re worth it!